Fear & Anxiety

I come here again broken and completely exhausted emotionally. I am so afraid of opening myself up to the Lord because I am afraid He's going to let more growth come into my life. I know this is something good, but it hurts so much, especially when Satan is in the back of my mind telling me lies that are so hurtful it makes me want to shut my heart up completely. I know I need to go to the Lord and fall on my face, it's just hard to give up control. Even though I have no control.

I just want to feel peace. I just want to live my life for the Lord. I want to stop crying and being a roller coaster, but I can do nothing without God running my life. Tomorrow is a new day, praise the Lord!

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Addendum: Psalm 143 (what God brought to my heart after a walk)

O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgement, for no one living is righteous before you. 

The enemy pursues me, he crushed me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. 

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will b e like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

 For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.

Baby Bucket List

Here's an updated version of the baby bucket list I created last July. I added some things that I really would like to do before having a baby, but even though I may not get around to them, I still would like to try. 

• Attractions
• Ronald Reagan Library  
• Travel 
• Catalina Island, CA
• Las Vegas, NV
• Events
• Cirque du Soleil 
• Blue Man Group
• Go to a taping of Jeopardy (with David) 
• Financial
• Pay off all loans (2 student, 1 car) 
• Purchase another car 
• Buy our first home
• Spiritual 
• Read through the entire bible
• Personal 
• Cross-stitch elephant baby bib 
• Read these books: 
• The Lord of the Rings series (3 books)
  
  
•  Completed Things 
• Spend one year at Curves completed May 25, 2012
• Start taking prenatal vitamins daily completed May 24, 2012 
• Chronicles of Narnia series (7 books)  completed August 2, 2011
• For Women Only  completed July 12, 2011 
• The Baby Name Wizard completed August 4, 2011
• What To Expect Before You're Expecting (parts 1 & 3) completed September 5, 2011 
• Calm My Anxious Heart completed January 17, 2012 
• The Hunger Games series (3 books)  completed February 9, 2012
• The Hobbit completed February 20, 2012
  
• Complete a couple's bible study completed June 8, 2012
• Attend a women's bible study completed January 17, 2012
• Cross-stitch giraffe baby bib completed September 4, 2011
• Build up an emergency fund  completed November 25, 2011
• Wine tasting  completed February 12, 2012
• Hot Air Balloon ride completed June 22, 2012
• Go to an opera  completed May 12, 2012
• Dodger's baseball game completed August 13, 2011
• Get our last name painted completed September 2, 2011
• Solvang, CA  completed February 12, 2012  
• Temecula, CA completed April 13, 2012
• Sea World San Diego completed July 14, 2012
• San Francisco, CA completed August 15, 2012
• Knott's Berry Farm  completed September 2, 2011
• Long Beach Aquarium completed August 31, 2012

Sequoia National Park

Here are a few photos from my camping trip to Sequoia National Park over 4th of July week.

Group shot entering Sequoia National Park: (back) Zoe, Yang, David, Me (front) Marty & Liz)

David & I

David & I @ a waterfall

Jeff, Zoe, Marty, Liz, Yang, David

At the top of Moro Rock (Yang, Liz, Marty, Me, Zoe, David, Jeff)

Me and my baby at the top of Moro Rock

Jeff, Liz, Marty, Zoe, David, Me, Yang

David & I

Jeff, Liz, David, Zoe, Marty, Yang, Me

Jeff, Yang, Zoe, Liz, Marty, Me, David (such a great trip!!)

Hormones Update

Hey all,

Thanks so much for the prayers, emails, texts, calls, and support, I've felt everything. I am still struggling with keeping my hormones in check, but God is so very good to me. I cannot believe how blessed I am in this time of difficulty, I don't deserve the grace I receive, but I am so very thankful that deserving it doesn't matter, I just have to accept it. This weekend was great because I could spend it with David and he is such a blessing from the Lord. He pushes me just enough (sometimes I think it's too much) to get out of myself and back in reality.

I know it's still going to be a daily struggle to battle these hormones, but I am not alone. No matter what I do or where I go, Jesus is ALWAYS with me, so today I can say, God is my saving grace and I can do NOTHING without him right next to me.

I still need prayer and encouragement, but I am seeing life is a new, clearer light and I praise the Lord for that. I really cannot believe how much God has worked in my life and how much more he is going to do as the days go on.

Current prayer request: that I will not be overwhelmed this week by spending large amounts of time with friends. We are going camping for 4 days and I really need to be emotionally able to handle everything. I know God will be with me, it's just hard to remember when to take time for myself and when to be social.

Thanks in advance :) I'll keep you all posted as time goes on.