Forgiveness:Why is it so hard?

Today, as I was going about my normal Monday chores, I was hit hard by guilt and shame surrounding the sin in my life. Not only present, but also past. Why is forgiveness easy for me to extend to others yet almost impossible to extend to myself? Where does this come from? Who do I think I am that I will ask God for forgiveness and expect Him to extend it, and yet I think I am higher than Him to not extend it to myself?

We are called to forgive others their transgressions against us, but I think we are also called to forgive ourselves for what we have done. It amazes me how often I find myself feeling guilty for sins I have already been forgiven for. I agree that to feel remorse means to continually repent and not fall back into that sin, but there comes a point when I need to realize that all sin is sin, no matter the size. Humanity creates the distinction between sin, NOT God. He is the one who sees us for who we are and if we repent and ask for forgiveness, there is no stopping the love and grace we are extended by our loving Savior.

Shame and guilt are the tools of Satan and we must stand firm against them. Forgiveness is the key to this and I have to keep telling myself that the Lord sees me as a clean, pure daughter of Christ and I am completely and utterly free from my sin. I am a broken woman who is so loved by the Lord that it is beyond evident that the shame and guilt I feel are only there to keep my from my loving God. God loves me too much to let me feel those things. He died on the cross for a reason: to save the world from our sin. Now all I have to do is let myself be loved enough, to forgive myself, and to love myself for who I am.

"For God so loved the world that He gave His one and only Son. That whoever believes in Him will not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16

Trying something new!

My friend, Liz, and I have been getting groupon/living-social/amazon-local deals for awhile now and we are finishing up another one. I decided to put some images of what we have been doing/trying lately:

Rock-It Body Pilates

Yoga 

30/30 Spinning & Barre Physique Classes 

Psalm 77

"I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me. When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted. 

I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint. You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak. I thought about the former days, the years of long ago; I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired.

"Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again? Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion? 

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High." I will remember the deeds of the Lord ; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.

Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

The waters saw you, O God, the waters saw you and writhed; the very depths were convulsed. The clouds poured down water, the skies resounded with thunder; your arrows flashed back and forth. Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind, your lightning lit up the world; the earth trembled and quaked. Your path led through the sea, your way through the mighty waters, though your footprints were not seen. You led your people like a flock by the hand of Moses and Aaron."

Anxiety: My Daily Struggle

As I sit on my couch at 1:30 in the morning stressing out about things that are out of my control, I realize that I am so very broken and the only way to be healed is with the Lord. I have done studies and tried to work hard on my anxiety issues, yet I still keep coming back to the same thing: "What If?" The hardest part for me is that saying "what if" means not trusting the Lord and that breaks my heart. Why don't I trust Jesus? I know He gave His life for me. I know he wants to give me the world. I know he has the answers I crave/desire. So why the worry?

My what-ifs seem to stem from the uncontrollable forces of this world. What-if the "big" earthquake comes and I can't find David? What if I get cancer? What if I am forced to lose David? What if I can't have children? What if we get fleas again? What if bumps on my skin are really cancer? What if I never am happy? What if, what if, what if?? It drives me insane simply writing this out, but I know I have to. I need to let it all out because if I don't, it's going to bury me alive.

So how can I combat this? I have tried praying, reading scripture, staying awake at night to focus on other things, and yet with each new day I keep coming back to the same things. I think the solution for me is to take it one hour at a time and fall on my face in front of the Lord and beg him to be my all, to be my conqueror, to be my healer, protector, and saving grace. I know it's not going to be easy, but when did the Lord ever say life was easy.

That's my vent/admission for today. Now to read more of my Bible and try to let the Lord grant me the peace I crave so deeply.

New Year, New Bible Study

2 weeks ago we started a new bible study. The book is really great so far and I wanted to share it with those looking for a study for women. It's really wonderful and is a short study (only 9 chapters).