Hormones.

As many of you know, David and I are wanting to start our family and the first step for that to happen was for me to go off my birth control pills. I finished my last pill on Saturday and was normally starting a new pack on Sunday, but of course, I was done with the pills. Well, since Sunday I have been a roller coaster of emotions. I cry almost every hour. I can feel Satan trying to pull me down into despair through mild depression. All I want to do is sleep. I have zero appetite (I have to force myself to eat at least something small during the day). And I have no sex drive. All I really want to do is cuddle on the couch with my hubby and fall asleep, every second of the day.

I know this is because of the hormones changing in my body, but my word, this is nuts. I feel so out of control, but I feel like this is where God wants me. It's crazy, but I feel closer to God the further out of control I get. I know the lies Satan tells me are lies. And I feel the hand of the Lord on my heart. No matter what I do, I can't get past the fact that Jesus is here with me, a sinner. He loves me so much that he is fighting my battles and all I have to do is completely trust him. It's amazing that I am trusting Him with absolutely everything in my life currently. I thought I knew what a relationship with Jesus was, but I was sadly shortchanging myself AND God.

He is my all. I can do nothing through my own strength and I have to cling to him every second of every minute of every day. I can't function without Him and I honestly don't want to. I need him more than I ever have in my life and I know without a doubt that he will take care of me. I trust him to bring me out of this time of darkness and night into the light and morning.

I love you Jesus. Keep being with me. I need you more than I ever have in my entire life and I cannot do a thing without you. I need you Jesus to keep coming to my rescue and saving me from the evil one. I love you Lord and I know you are working in my life. I just love you so much Jesus. Amen.