Fear & Anxiety

I come here again broken and completely exhausted emotionally. I am so afraid of opening myself up to the Lord because I am afraid He's going to let more growth come into my life. I know this is something good, but it hurts so much, especially when Satan is in the back of my mind telling me lies that are so hurtful it makes me want to shut my heart up completely. I know I need to go to the Lord and fall on my face, it's just hard to give up control. Even though I have no control.

I just want to feel peace. I just want to live my life for the Lord. I want to stop crying and being a roller coaster, but I can do nothing without God running my life. Tomorrow is a new day, praise the Lord!

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Addendum: Psalm 143 (what God brought to my heart after a walk)

O Lord, hear my prayer, listen to my cry for mercy; in your faithfulness and righteousness come to my relief. Do not bring your servant into judgement, for no one living is righteous before you. 

The enemy pursues me, he crushed me to the ground; he makes me dwell in darkness like those long dead. So my spirit grows faint within me; my heart within me is dismayed. 

I remember the days of long ago; I meditate on all your works and consider what your hands have done. I spread out my hands to you; my soul thirsts for you like a parched land.

Answer me quickly, O Lord; my spirit fails. Do not hide your face from me or I will b e like those who go down to the pit. Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I lift up my soul. Rescue me from my enemies, O Lord, for I hide myself in you. Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground.

 For your name's sake, O Lord, preserve my life; in your righteousness, bring me out of trouble. In your unfailing love, silence my enemies; destroy all my foes, for I am your servant.